The Generation that Does Not Know Poverty

I have a 14 year old step daughter. Last week she was visiting a friend she had not previously visited. When I picked her up I knew before she made a peep the conversation that would ensue. Like clockwork, she began to mention how nice the home she had been to was. Next, we chatted about how all of her friends seem to have nicer houses than us. Before you know it, we are living in poverty. And this makes me laugh my head off.

When I was 14 my mom had just gotten into medical school. We moved to Carbondale, Illinois and lived in Evergreen Terrace Student Housing. I found the name amusing, because there were no Evergreens and last I heard, a 2 x 5 concrete balcony was not a terrace. Student Housing was dead on because everyone was as broke as we were. We had a three room apartment and I shared a room with my sister. We took our lunch, ate tuna noodle casserole for dinner and drove a 1973 Dodge Dart. This was where we lived, and I knew we were not rich, but I don't think I ever thought of myself as poor.

Film producer Mike Todd is credited with the quote, "I have never been poor, but I have been broke.". This is how my family always felt, that this "being broke" was a temporary state on the way to something else. We were on the way to.......well to where I am now. I am in a place where the pantry has food in it, living in a home I love with a wonderful family. My husband and I have revamped the budget so that I can stay home with the new baby. And so when Al refers to us as poor, I am startled, and somewhat baffled by her idea of poverty.

A couple of years ago I was working with a counselor trying to make sense of the conflict in my life. I recall saying to him,
"I feel like I'm dwelling on petty issues, I mean seriously, look at this minutia of crap and then look at the chaos in Darfur. Am I really this egotistical?"
To which he replied,
"Elizabeth, you don't live in Darfur."

I remember relating this conversation to Alex some time ago. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I tried to explain to Alex that we are not poor, and that there will always be people with more. I tried to make her understand that we are lucky to have so much, things like cello lessons and being able to afford the rock climbing team. I told her that she should stop comparing her life to others and instead be thankful for what we have. To this she replied,
"But Liz, I don't live in Darfur."
She is funny, I will give her that, but she is also fourteen, which stagnates the depth of her world view. But she does strike a strong chord here.

This generation has so much! I have a friend with an eight year old. Her daughter came home the other day wanting an I-Phone. Apparently two other girls in class had them and it was about to become a trend. When Alex was eight she lost shoes, bracelets backpacks, books, lunch bags, 20,000 jackets, and the list goes on. Why the hell would I have given her a $250 I-Phone? Why too would I add a cell phone service into my budget for an 8 year old. I have a friend that teaches in Arizona, he overheard some of his high school students talking about allowances that cost more than his car payment. I have a another friend whose son and all of his friends were part of a ski team that cost $700 per season. Alex's extra curricular activities cost $150 per month. That's more than we pay to feed her.

Alex says that I cannot compare my life to hers because that was "back then" and this is now. That's what I said to my mom when wanting things that she thought was crazy. I wanted a pair of Jordache Jeans that cost $50. I know how much $50 is worth now (and I wanted them in the 70s) and frankly, she would have been fiscally irresponsible to buy those jeans for me. But that did not stop me from wanting them. So I think for our situation then, and Alex's now we need to look at our financial situation and determine what is feasible and fiscally responsible. God knows we could buy a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood. However, with our income and with our situation it would be irresponsible to do so; just as those jeans would have be irresponsible for me to have in the 70s.

But more important than fiscal responsibility is retooling the mental concept that a "cell phone" is a need. We've lost the difference between a need and a want. And it's not just the children in this generation. We, the parents, believe that our children must have everything that their peers have in order to be successful. In doing so we are setting ourselves up for failure. No matter what your status, someone will always have more. Alex needs to grasp that she has everything she needs. She has a home, she has clothing to keep her warm, she has food on the table and a loving family. This is what needs to be appreciated. Being jealous of others will only set her on a path which keeps her from ever being content with what she has.

I have a fond memory of childhood. Mom was able to stay home with me for the day. We made home-made bread and sang songs while we kneaded the dough. I remember this more fondly than any material thing I received in my childhood. This is my gift to Amelia, and the way we will achieve this is by me staying home and consequently, our family having less disposable income. So in ten years, when Amelia asks me for a jet-pack to fly to school with, I will hold my breath and say, "No you cannot have a jet pack, that would not be a wise use of our resources, do you want to make some bread?" (Future Savings .... Jet Pack $13,000 - Flour, Yeast, Honey, Butter - $240= $12,760 Saved)

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